You're Smart

A student in my after school class today humbled me. He was struggling through 2-digit subtraction worksheet when several of his amigos started jabbing fun at him in Spanish and laughing. It wasn't a menacing chortling session, but I could tell he wasn't exactly happy they were teasing him. I called him over to me and asked what was going on. He was extremely reluctant to talk with me, but then blurted out, "They make fun of me for talk Mestico."

I taught this adorable little brown-skinned boy in Kindergarten two years ago. I immediately thought back to the times of frustration in my class when I felt I could not properly communicate with him. I remember awkward moments during intervention when he looked questioningly at me or moments of terror when I asked him a question during whole group time. I snapped back to the present. As I looked into his embarrassed brown eyes, I smiled at him. "Do you realize how smart you are? How many people do you know who can speak three languages? I asked. He smiled at me and I asked him how to say a million things in his language. He was beaming with pride after our 5 minute talk. He walked over to the other students who had previously been poking fun at him and said, "Miss Crews say I'm smart. I am special."

My heart soared. I thought of all of the times when I have been embarrassed by my actions or words. Moments where I had fallen and committed what I thought was an unforgivable offense. How many times have Satan and His demons laughed at me and made fun of me? How many nights have my eyes overflowed with tears and my heart been heavy? There have been many times in the last 5 years when God has come over to me and said, "Do you realize how much I love you? I love you more than anything and you are special to me." Today was a simple reminder of how much God loves me and how He speaks His love over me, even if it's just to say I'm smart.

Moving Forward

 I have been thinking that God’s love is terrible. Think of what it includes: us, with our best and our worst, with our failed attempts and outright cruelty, with our wrong motives for right actions and our right motives for wrong actions... us, with the mess we have made of the world, with our brokenness and despair, with our rebellions and inadequacies. We are the ones included in and redeemed by the deep and wide love of God. It astonishes me that Christ died for me while I was still a sinner! (Romans 5:8). Why does He choose to give me new mercies every single morning when I am wicked compared to His amazing perfection? I think God sent Jesus to pass through our world as a figure of light and truth, sometimes angry and sometimes merciful, but always just, effective and loving. His life was spent around those who drew disapproval from many, yet he was never insecure or ashamed of His desire to offer them His love and promise His kingdom. I feel sometimes that I am that undesirable. I feel like the woman who was brought to Jesus to be stoned when found in sin. It humbles me that Jesus simply wants me to hand over my life in complete confidence and simply be satisfied in Him. If I desire peace, certainty and transparency in my life I have to give Him everything. Lord, help me abandon myself, continuing to surrender my insecurities and failures. Make me see your faithfulness and sufficiency in my life each day.