Able

Have you ever heard the song Able by Needtobreathe? If not, you are missing a huge blessing and so I am going to paste the lyrics and highlight my favorite parts. 

There's a host of hurts we come across

None of which alike

From the air inside the birthing room
To the darkness where we die
Though I feel I'm just as strong as any man I know
I'm not able on my own
Carry round the secrets
Only heaven knows
Crawl into our darkened rooms where only victims go
Though I feel I'm strong enough to carry all this load
I'm not able on my own

All my actions, false or true

Selfish motives I will use
We were born with knives in hand
Trained to kill our fellow man
If we're not better than the rest
How will children do their best
Find your patience, find your truth
Love is all we have to lose

I'm not able on my own

Amazing Album!

Do you sometimes feel you are not worthy? I know I do. I know myself way better than anyone else and it is a discouraging knowledge at times. However, God is able to use me despite my ridiculous past choices or the guilt I allow to burden me to the point of despair. Victimizing myself was something I struggled with in the past; unforgiveness in my own heart toward myself. It was difficult to continue in my relationship with the Lord, but praise the Lord, He didn't let me stay in that darkened room. He wouldn't allow me to remain a victim. He made me victorious through His love and sacrifice. The work of the Holy Spirit overtook my pity and brought me back to my first love.

I pray the Lord will continue to remind me that I'm not able on my own. 

Should I Pursue...Pulling A Ruth

I am writing this in response (and in question) to an article I read recently on a christian website directed at singles. Should I, or any other Christian woman, pursue a man in a friendship and beyond? Is it okay to boldly pursue friendships with men? Is it my job to pursue the man in this "new day and age"? Help me out guys!

I want a man who will lead me and be strong in his pursuit of me. Would I damage a friendship or potential relationship by taking that job from him? Did Ruth?

First of all, what do we know about this woman? She is only one of two women to get her very own book in the Bible, and it was set in some of Israel's darkest days. Ruth left her homeland, dead husband and family to go to a foreign country with her MIL. Her prospects back in Naomi's homeland were slim to none- sounding a little like living in St. George...BUT I digress! :) Enter Boaz. He was eligible, wealthy and a kinsmen redeemer...winning! Naomi was not content to wait around for Boaz to take notice of Ruth, so she decided to encourage Ruth to catch his eye. She went to the threshing floor and said OT style, "I'm available".  She made her intentions known, that she wanted to get married and it worked! Now, the question is, should women follow her lead today?


The following is copied and pasted from the article: 

"The context of Ruth is that she lived in a stable society where families were involved in God's work of bringing mates together," Mary said. "In our day, we are in limbo without the structures and social supports. We don't even know if potential mates believe in marriage the same as we do. Just how courtship should be done is up for grabs. Not because it should be, but because it is."

"I see nothing in Scripture that says a woman is not allowed to express her desire; nothing that says she may only 
respond when sought after.

I've always thought that by the time Naomi told Ruth about the kinsman-redeemer system and asked her to go to Boaz at the threshing floor, she ahd every reason to believe Boaz would respond positively as we see him doing at the conclusion of the story. 

So, men of God, what say you? I would love to be married, but I feel I am jut waiting for something to happen. Do we as godly women take courtship into our own hands? Or should we wait for you to show interest in us and pursue us??

I always viewed marriage as a beautiful picture of what the church is in relationship to Jesus. He pursued us while we were in sin. As a future bride I want a man to be strong enough to pursue me. 

A Fast Fast

Yes, I know the word fast is repeated and yes, it is purposeful. I have been reading in Isaiah and stopped and hitched up my horse to chapter 58...yes, I really just said that! Fasting is something that I believe God uses. He fasted and prayed in the wilderness for me long ago and the account in Luke blows me away. We miss so many beautiful truths in this passage by breezing by it. Here are some things that stick out to me:

1. Jesus was LED to the wilderness...
   It says the Holy Spirit LED Jesus there. He was not just taking in the scenery and being awed by the amazing sunsets He must have seen. The Holy Spirit took him there with a purpose. He was to be tempted by the devil.

2. Jesus was being tested as the 2nd Adam
   Adam didn't choose obedience. He plunged us headlong toward a separation from God, but Jesus was about to show His love for me by wrestling Satan for my very soul. He would overcome the temptation and in doing so, redeem me. It's also cool that He was tested for 40 days...similar to the 40 year wandering in the wilderness by the children of Israel. Jesus would successfully do God's will as no one had been able to prior.

*I love how Jesus is God but is humbled by humanity in these verses. He is led by the HS, just like we are. He was susceptible to temptation, yet didn't. He was hungry, but trusted God to provide. He never once abused His power...which He had all along as God. Wow!

3. Jesus chose God's Way Instead of the "easy way out"
   Satan told Jesus He could have all of the kingdoms of the world. He was going to give him those things and power...but with a price. Jesus wouldn't have gone to the cross, but in the end He would not have followed the Father's will and our souls would have been damned.

*Even after the temptation was over, it said the devil left, but for a time. He will always be back. He will not give up until Jesus comes back for us.


Now back to the fasting business. Jesus fasted. He prayed and He quoted the Word. So, how should we fast? I would think modeling Jesus' method would work. He was God after all.

Many times in the course of my Christian life I have "fasted", but after really studying the examples giving in scripture I don't think I've had pure motives. I found my experiences being selfish and quick fixes. I wanted an answer, usually my answer, and I wanted it quickly. After thinking about the condition of my heart and lack of willingness to follow the Holy Spirit when things weren't going my way, I have decided to fast the right way. Biblically.

Right now, I am about to begin a time of weekly fasting. I am burdened for a loved one, seeking direction in my life as far as a career and/or going back to school and also for the man God has for me. I want to honor him even before I know him and seek God's wisdom for when I do meet him. I am excited about following the Lord faithfully as I seek Him in these important issues in my life. I can't wait to see how He chooses to work in my life and in those whom I am praying for. He is good. He is faithful and He desires to glorify Himself in my life and through my prayers and fasting. I'll keep you posted. :)

The Man I Will Submit To...

I met a girl once and she was making a list of things she wanted and expected from her future husband. It was long and particular. She was determined that he be all or nothing according to her obnoxious list. It frustrated me with her and made me pity her future husband. She demanded he serve her and be things for her that she was not being for him. Even while waiting for the person God had for her she was physically intimate with others, but wanted her husband to be a virgin. She wanted him to be patient and kind, yet she was not those things to her closest friends. Her list made me think about my future husband though and I created a list of my own. It also made me think about who I was, what I wanted to be for and to my future spouse and my list began to formulate.

The difference was it was not a list of wants and needs, but a list of ways to pray for my husband. Ways to encourage him even though I don’t even know him yet. Or at least I don’t think I do. J 

This is the list I pray over on a daily basis.

1. Have Jesus dwell in hi heart and be grounded in Christ's love (Eph. 3:17)

2. Love me and wait for me as I wait for him (Eph. 5:33)

3. He would rely on Jesus to help him (Eph. 3:20)

4. That God will establish and bless his work (Psalm 90:17)

5. That he would be a hard worker and be successful (Eccles. 3:13)

6. He would love to do good (Gal. 6:9)

7. The fruit of the Spirit would be evident in his life (Gal. 5:22-23)

8. He will put on the armor of God and stand firm (Eph. 6:10-18)

9. He would be focused and not deceived (James 1:14-16)

10. He will be an amazing father and raise our children in a godly way (Proverbs 3:12, 23:24; 29:17)

11. He will call on Christ to be his strength, deliverer and trust in Him (Psalm 18:2-3)

12. God will perfect and conform him to be the man He wants him to be (1 Peter 5:10)

13. He will have a rich knowledge of Christ and understand His voice and direction (Col. 2:2-3)

14. He will take his thoughts captive and obey God (2 Corin. 10:5)

15. His ears will hear Gods' voice (Deut. 4:36)

16. He will be bold in sharing Christ (Acts 4:29)

17. He will have health and strength (Isaiah 58:11)

18. His heart will be filled with God's love (James 4:8)

19. God will continuously encourage him (Psalm 40:2)

20. He will faithfully pray for me as I continue to pray for him (James 5:16)

The beautiful thing is...I know MY God is faithful to hear and honor these prayers. He will do these things for this fantastic man I don't even know yet. He hears my prayers and takes great joy in answering them. God is good. 

Teaching Me to Thrive, In Him Alone!

I’m 30, single and no, I am not contagious. I was overwhelmingly excited to join FBC of Jacksonville this past Sunday and I tried out my first Sunday School---which was well taught and attended. However, I am tired of feeling that I am completely incomplete without a husband. When I joined the lady helping me fill out my information asked if I had a steady boyfriend and was surprised when I said no. It is something I am used to, I guess, but also overwhelmingly frustrating.

This summer seems to have magnified my loneliness and strong seeded desire to be a Mama. I am a full time nanny and have thoroughly enjoyed playing mom from 8-5. It’s been rewarding, fun and devastating. It’s difficult to have such a strong desire to be married, share my life with someone and to have children. I want to feel the sweet stirrings of a child. I can’t wait to get up in the middle of the night and sing songs and talk about Jesus to a crying baby. My greatest hope is that I can have children, raise them in a Godly home and serve the Lord with a husband who is out there somewhere.

My dear heart, you are “deceitful and desperately wicked” and none but God can fully understand you. At the very same time, you have also been made new since the day Christ became your Lord. And so today you will be conflicted between your new nature of freedom and your old nature of bondage (to ugly impulses of worry, anxiety, envy, discontentment, anger, self-pity, brooding, condemnation, pride, selfishness, manipulation, boasting, impatience, fear, greed, dread, and worst of all—worshiping yourself above God). You will be tempted to look at every situation with temporal and not eternal eyes. You will place more value on the stuff of this world than on the stuff that will last for eternity. But you will also desperately want to do what is good and right, invest in kingdom work, make the most of the time, serve others, love selflessly, surrender to God’s will, and seek Christ above all. This conflict will rage all day long.

But your God fights for you. And Jesus stands at His right hand interceding for you. And the Spirit lives in you to empower you to do God’s will. Hallelujah! So while you fight, you may also rest. This is a mystery, but it is beautiful. Put on your whole armor, dear heart—and yet lie beside quiet streams of water.

Oh my heart, one of your besetting sins is to see your God as too small, incapable, powerless, benign, unable to meet your needs. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true, isn’t it? Your God is too small. So I strongly command you to enlarge your view of God and all that you believe about Him. Today when you are tempted to fix your eyes on your circumstances, problems, needs, and the people around you—quickly look away to your Creator, your Redeemer, your Savior, your Author and Perfecter, your Shepherd, your Prince of Peace. At this moment He is seated on a throne that blazes with fire, encircled by a mesmerizing rainbow and creatures that are beyond description, who forever cry out “Holy, holy, holy!” Yes, your God is holy, set apart, unlike any other. Why then do you compare Him to man? Why do you trust in man who is like the grass of the fields that withers away and is quickly forgotten? Trust in God! Trust in God!! Man will often fail you—your brothers and sisters in Christ, sweetest friends, family, husband, children—just as you so often fail them; so let them off the hook and place all your hope and faith in Christ! Stop having make-believe conversations with that person who has angered you—forgive them as Christ has forgiven you. Refuse to indulge in disappointment in that dear one—and instead give thanks for what God is doing! He is freeing you, He is doing you good, He is teaching you how to thrive in Him alone. He is teaching you about the cross. He is engraving the gospel on you. Stop looking down on others or comparing yourself with that other girl! Remember: “If John remains, what is that to you? Feed My sheep!”

Don’t forget, frail heart, you were made for another world. This is not your home; you are only passing through. So don’t put down such deep roots; don’t cling so desperately to what is fleeting; don’t become enamored with the things of this world. Don’t waste your short time on earth anxious and fearful; choose joy and thank your God for all He has given you today.

What's So Magical About Sin??

What’s So Magical About Sin?

I am writing this as a concern for believers; including myself. I hope it will be taken in love.

I am becoming more and more aware as I study certain passages in my quiet time that the culture we have, in essence, created has us so confused about morality and what is acceptable to God and what isn’t. Even thirty years ago some of the things on television and in the theaters would have shocked most communities…now movies about male strippers, sex every other scene, taking god’s name in vain, drug use…even children’s movies are infused with sexual innuendo. Why? Do we, the church, continue to support this type of behavior? Most people would say, “No! Of course not! I would never say those things are okay?”

However, I am saddened by ladies (and men alike) who are constantly posting about going to see Magic Mike or reading Shades of Grey. We laugh about it. Think it’s funny. Justifying sin doesn’t make it okay. I heard someone say once, the things we laugh about, we tend to accept. Degrading men is just as disgusting as degrading women. I wonder how many of these zealous women in line at theaters across the country would be appalled if their husbands went to see Magic Mikayla. Would a movie of this type based on women stripping be as “awesome and spell-binding”? I think most women would be frustrated with their husbands and boyfriends and lots of couches would be warmed for several nights.

Our nation is becoming more and more oversexed and morally depraved as the years go by. The thing that concerns me the most is how we as believers are contributing to it. I know many women who are active in their churches, solid in their faith and stood in line in the heat this weekend to see this movie. I also have many friends who are reading the Shades of Grey trilogy. They are talking about how amazing it is. Both are considered pornography. How can we say pornography is amazing? Could you imagine discovering your husband, boyfriend or family member was watching pornography and saying, “Wow! That’s amazing! What was your favorite part? Of course not. This verse has been very convicting to me lately:

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

Sisters in the Lord, don’t allow the world to infiltrate your minds. Press forward and seek to glorify God. I am challenging myself with this as well. I hope I do not come across as judgmental, I am sincerely concerned about the direction we are headed in as the body of Christ.  If we continue to allow the world to take us captive…we will be captivated by the world, not the lover of our souls.

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:2

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Seminary, Sadness and Stress...Again

Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 8:32-35)

I am defintely seeking God right now and am not even sure what I am asking Him for. I am overly frustrated with the slowness of obtaining my degree and also disheartened by my lack of income. I feel constantly overwhelmed by my inability to save and plan for my future beyond seminary. I have no direction in what I want to do. I just know I want to help people. I want to work with teenagers, children and families, but don't know how best to do that. I don't know if I should get a job I would love now. Continue to pursue my master's in counseling and try for a job later?

Romans

If you sin without knowing what you're doing, God takes that into account. But if you sin knowing full well what you're doing, that's a different story entirely. Merely hearing God's law is a waste of your time if you don't do what he commands. Doing, not hearing, is what makes the difference with God.
                             Romans 12:13 (The Message)


Well there we have it. We are accountable, not just to others, but God Himself. I have been so convicted by Romans and am so thankful I have a wonderful professor who is going through this book with us in NT2. It's convicting. Just last week I was so convicted in class, surrounded by fellow believers, that my eyes were stinging with tears. I so often lose sight of God's love for me, His amazing sacrifice and enduring promise to see me through any struggle or temptation. So, why do I so easily fall into sin? I "know" the Word of God, but am I taking it into my heart, allowing it to change me and grow in the Lord? Sometimes, no. I am beginning to feel the pull of sin in my life and being lonely and not having good friends around makes it even harder. 




All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.
                                         Romans 5:21-22


That's the good news! It's a huge encouragement to me that God is aggressive with His grace. He gives me rules and His word to show me my need for Him. My need for His grace, love and forgiveness give me a desire to love and worship Him. Sin threatens me. It kills me, but Jesus gives me life and love. This is a short blog, but I hope it gives you hope. These scriptures sure have helped me the last few days.

Loneliness: My Struggle

Hebrews 10:24-25

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

²⁴ and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, ²⁵ not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

I was convicted tonight at church. We were talking about being genuinely concerned for one another and loving each other as believers. On the drive home I realized how lonely I am and how I was feeling very sorry for myself. I don't mean to pity myself and feel overwhelmed by loneliness, but I have been struggling with it...a lot. I talk to my mom and best friend from home every day. I don't have any established friendships here and it makes me so sad. I have made a connection with a few people from church and I love it there, but I feel like no one really knows me; I don't really know anyone either. It's frustrating to go from a place where I had a lot of meaningful relationships to having none. I want to get to know people. Hang out. Share my passions and who I am. I want to get to know others. I want someone to pour into my life and allow me to pour into theirs as well.

I am praying for God to show me those friendships and for me to be able to dive into them. I am also specifically praying that God would help me to get a job in Wake Forest (hopefully on campus) to be more involved at seminary. I really want to form relationships with people on campus and have some friends my age that I can share my life with. If you're reading that, will you please pray for me? I really want meaningful, lasting relationships with people who care about me. I don't want to struggle with this feeling of loneliness anymore.

I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry...

Not only is this the title of a classic Hank Williams song, but my feelings lately. I have found myself longing for friendships and meaningful connections that just are not happening. It's frustrating to want somwthing

I Want to Cry. Like A Baby. The End.

This beautiful little girl is Anna Lucia...my perfect niece. She is crying because she is a baby and she can. It's adorable. If I could cry the way I feel like crying, not so cute. :) I am frustrated. Nothing really happened to make me feel this way, just overwhelmed and feeling sorry for myself, I guess.  I think this dreary weather, craving for a chocolate covered doughnut and in general feeling lonely just all jumped on me at once. I am at seminary, trying to follow God’s call on my life and nothing seems to be going right. I am overwhelmed and stressed about work, I didn’t do as well in one class as I had hoped and I have made no friends. I am too busy and desperately need friends to hang out with, but my schedule is so busy. I either don’t have time or just want to hang out at my house and be alone. It is an awful thing to want to have friends, but also want to be alone. I feel like I want two things at once that can't work out that way, because they're opposing. Ugh. 

I think about what God is trying to teach me and am trying to have a positive attitude and healthy outlook on life. I just want to pack up my necessities, Major and drive home to my Mama. Sad isn't it? I am almost 30 and want to run home to my parents. I know I am making a difference and that God is using me, it's just so frustrating to feel this way. Hoping for a sunny day tomorrow...literal and figuratively.