I’m 30, single and no, I am not contagious. I was
overwhelmingly excited to join FBC of Jacksonville this past Sunday and I tried
out my first Sunday School---which was well taught and attended. However, I am
tired of feeling that I am completely incomplete without a husband. When I
joined the lady helping me fill out my information asked if I had a steady
boyfriend and was surprised when I said no. It is something I am used to, I
guess, but also overwhelmingly frustrating.
This summer seems to have magnified my loneliness
and strong seeded desire to be a Mama. I am a full time nanny and have
thoroughly enjoyed playing mom from 8-5. It’s been rewarding, fun and
devastating. It’s difficult to have such a strong desire to be married, share
my life with someone and to have children. I want to feel the sweet stirrings
of a child. I can’t wait to get up in the middle of the night and sing songs
and talk about Jesus to a crying baby. My greatest hope is that I can have
children, raise them in a Godly home and serve the Lord with a husband who is
out there somewhere.
My dear heart, you are “deceitful and desperately
wicked” and none but God can fully understand you. At the very same time, you
have also been made new since the day Christ became your Lord. And so today you
will be conflicted between your new nature of freedom and your old nature
of bondage (to ugly impulses of worry, anxiety, envy, discontentment, anger,
self-pity, brooding, condemnation, pride, selfishness, manipulation, boasting,
impatience, fear, greed, dread, and worst of all—worshiping yourself above
God). You will be tempted to look at every situation with temporal and not
eternal eyes. You will place more value on the stuff of this world than on the
stuff that will last for eternity. But you will also desperately want to do
what is good and right, invest in kingdom work, make the most of the time,
serve others, love selflessly, surrender to God’s will, and seek Christ above
all. This conflict will rage all day long.
But your God fights for you. And Jesus stands at
His right hand interceding for you. And the Spirit lives in you to empower you
to do God’s will. Hallelujah! So while you fight, you may also rest. This is a
mystery, but it is beautiful. Put on your whole armor, dear heart—and yet
lie beside quiet streams of water.
Oh my heart, one of your besetting sins is to see
your God as too small, incapable, powerless, benign, unable to meet your needs.
It’s hard to hear, but it’s true, isn’t it? Your God is too small. So I
strongly command you to enlarge your view of God and all that you believe about
Him. Today when you are tempted to fix your eyes on your circumstances,
problems, needs, and the people around you—quickly look away to your Creator,
your Redeemer, your Savior, your Author and Perfecter, your Shepherd, your
Prince of Peace. At this moment He is seated on a throne that blazes with fire,
encircled by a mesmerizing rainbow and creatures that are beyond description,
who forever cry out “Holy, holy, holy!” Yes, your God is holy, set apart, unlike
any other. Why then do you compare Him to man? Why do you trust in man who is
like the grass of the fields that withers away and is quickly forgotten? Trust
in God! Trust in God!! Man will often fail you—your brothers and sisters in
Christ, sweetest friends, family, husband, children—just as you so often fail
them; so let them off the hook and place all your hope and faith in Christ!
Stop having make-believe conversations with that person who has angered
you—forgive them as Christ has forgiven you. Refuse to indulge in
disappointment in that dear one—and instead give thanks for what God is
doing! He is freeing you, He is doing you good, He is teaching you how to thrive in Him alone. He is
teaching you about the cross. He is engraving the gospel on you. Stop looking
down on others or comparing yourself with that other girl! Remember: “If John
remains, what is that to you? Feed My sheep!”
Don’t forget, frail
heart, you were made for another world. This is not your home; you are
only passing through. So don’t put down such deep roots; don’t cling so
desperately to what is fleeting; don’t become enamored with the things of this
world. Don’t waste your short time on earth anxious and fearful; choose joy and
thank your God for all He has given you today.
