Fostering Hope...Hope I Feel I've Lost

Teaching is my job. I always knew I would teach. I hoped to nurse, but didn't pursue it. Now my sister and best friend are a few months away from living what I thought would be my dream career. I volunteer at Wolfson's every Wednesday to get my "hospital fix" and though I love it, it's not what I want. What I've always hoped for is to be a mom. Obviously I want to be married and love someone and have them love me, but Mama is my dream job. I feel like I would do just about anything to be a mom, but 21 days away from my 31st birthday. Honestly, my hope is fading. Some days I am okay, others I'm sad. 

I feel cheated and angry that I am still single because each year that passes, my chances of being a mom go down. I have been reading about adoption, fostering children and praying that God would keep me faithful to Him and focused...not on my lack of children, but on the joy He has given me. I do have joy. Some days I just lose sight I guess. I'm not sure if that's sinful of me, but that's me being honest.

If I don't get married, would an adoption agency or foster program look at me as lacking, because there's no husband to be a daddy? I think every child needs a dad. So, do I give up my hope of building character into little lives because I am not married? I have been STRUGGLING with these things. Pray for me if you're reading this. I deeply desire your prayers. Prayers for peace and fulfillment in Jesus, not in what I hope for myslef.

BrOkEn

It's midnight as I begin this post and I am in a mood. I'm mad, sad, frustrated, angry, hurt and tired. The latter is probably the biggest factor. :) I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind and heart and wanted to spill my heart onto "paper", but now that I'm typing...I can't think of anything to say.